Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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