people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
