I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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