Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize