First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
