i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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