I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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