I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
