If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
