i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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