Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
