forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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