it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
