I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
