The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
