When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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