Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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