my sisters under your porch take her home
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We have started to decorate penises.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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