Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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