I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
