I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
