Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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