we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
