1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize