New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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