My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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