How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
