That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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