I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
