TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
