jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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