i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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