Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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