P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
