i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
