I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
