so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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