just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
