This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
