How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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