Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
