i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
