we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
