Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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