They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
