Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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