so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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