I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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