So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize