you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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