My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
