barbara walters just said penis...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
