I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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