So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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