I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
