i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
