Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
