I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize