i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
