it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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