Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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