DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
