do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
