FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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