she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
