do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
