can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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