Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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