I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
