Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
