Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
