I wish my penis had an off switch
It was confusing and full of hummus
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
