He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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