If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
